I have once again returned to the fun that is Top 5 Wednesdays, and this was a topic that I really wanted to weigh in on. I’ve never really cared about love interests that were not end game, but this new age of fandom has really gotten me to start scrutinizing what’s being offered.
The characters in the following list are not the absolute worst love interests ever, but I just did not like them for whatever reason. It’s quite possible that they were always meant to be written that way, but there’s always one or two that were intended to be great.
So, in no particular order:
1.Cho Chang from Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix
Listen, I get it: Cho Chang was a teenage girl whose boyfriend had just died, but who thought it was a good idea to have her date Harry? Seriously, the only reason she even dated him was because he was the last person to see Cedric alive. I was barely thirteen and very naive, but even then I knew that that was ridiculously unhealthy.
Thankfully, Cho Chang moves on to a new man, and eventually joins the war against Voldemort. I’ll even admit that the girl was a great Quidditch player. However, nothing in this world will ever make me forget how awkward it was when she cried while making out with Harry.
Seriously, JK, there were like ten other options in Harry’s year alone. Even though Harry was considered an outcast at the time, I know at least one of those girls would have dated him just to say they did it.
2.Prince Rhun from The Castle of Llyr
One of my first fantasy reads was Lloyd Alexander’s The Castle of Llyr, and I cannot tell you for the life of me why I bothered to pick it up. The Chronicles of Prydain is a series that I remember fondly. It tells the story of a boy who is basically the companion adjacent to a band of heroic characters on a number of adventure quests. I am honestly too lazy to bother summarizing this series correctly, but it’s where The Black Cauldron comes from.
The Castle of Llyr, in particular, is the story of Princess Eilonwy’s journey to become a proper princess, because growing up on a farm after being rescued from an evil queen is not a part of princess training, I know that much. She is accompanied by Taran, the companion adjacent, the creature, Gurgi, and the bored, bard-king, Fflewddur Fflam. It does not go as expected.
Because The Castle of Llyr came in the middle of the series, and was my first book, I didn’t come in with any biases about the characters. I felt for Taran, but I personally didn’t care if Eilonwy ended up with him or not. Still, I especially didn’t care for Prince Rhun.
The truth is the boy was stupid. Cute, but entirely incompetent. His parents, bless them, really wanted him and Eilonwy to marry, but the girl was no Margaery Tyrell, so I have no idea what they expected that outcome to be.
The problem with Prince Rhun is that I keep confusing him with Ellidyr, from The Black Cauldron, who was also a prince, but very much a pauper, and defensive and arrogant about it. The thing is, Ellidyr redeems himself in the end by becoming a martyr. Prince Rhun, on the other hand, just manages to stay alive.
He was a waste, and I’m not sure why Lloyd Alexander bothered.
3.Robbie, the Sex God, from Confessions of Georgia Nicolson
So I have a really bad habit of beginning a series on a book that is definitely not number one. I did it with Harry Potter, I did it with The Chronicles of Prydain, and I did it with this series. Surprisingly, I did not do it with The Chronicles of Narnia, simply because The Lion, The Witch, and The Wardrobe is the first book in the publishing order, even if it’s not the first book chronologically.
I refuse to weigh in on that debate. It’s worse than the one for Star Wars.
The Confessions of Georgia Nicolson have been described as the teen version of Bridget Jones’ Diary, and I can’t say I disagree. Admittedly, the epistolary format wasn’t even new when it came out, but the descriptions of the everyday life of a teenaged girl with a weird baby sister, weird cat, and semi-normal parents, was amazingly relatable. And full of love drama, just like Bridget Jones.
Georgia’s first boyfriend, Robbie, was never my favorite. He was an older boy, who was in a band, and that’s basically all he had going for him. All he and Georgia ever did was make out. He didn’t get her, and broke up with her twice because she was too young (warning sign), and, at one point, cheated on another girl with her. Then he kept going off on world trips, and I just gave up.
I personally thought that Dave the Laugh was the better boyfriend, but I never read the last book, so I don’t know if Louise Rennison gave me that satisfaction.
EDIT: Even Aaron Taylor-Johnson couldn’t save Robbie from being not worth it.
4. Flauvic of Merindar from Court Duel (Crown Duel pt. 2)
Until today, I did not realize that people thought that Crown Duel was better than Court Duel. I’ve always thought that Court Duel was better, but I am a big fan of court politics, so I understand that it ultimately comes down to preference.
Crown Duel is a two-part novel (in it’s current form) that focuses on the life of the Countess Meliara Astiar of Tlanth. In Crown Duel, she is fighting, alongside her brother, Branaric, to overthrow a tyrant king who had essentially bled her territory dry and offered no help to restore it. In Court Duel, the old king is dead, and a new family is in power, but Meliara still has to fight her way through the battle that is court life.
Flauvic of Merindar is the old king’s nephew, and only considered a love interest because there was a minor attempt to seduce Meliara. Other than that, I spent majority of the book thinking the boy was gay.
He would have never worked for Meliara, simply because how he basically only looked at her as something to be amused by. And it was pretty obvious that she was just a play thing to him, to the point where I just could never buy him as a viable love interest. It really didn’t help that his family was basically all bad.
5. Dick Grayson from Grayson/Batman/any comic that involves one of his exes
I thought about giving this last spot to Bright Itempas from N.K. Jemisin’s Inheritance trilogy, but he actually turns out to be a good love interest during the second book. So I decided to talk about Richard Grayson.
For those that don’t know, Richard Grayson is Batman’s original Robin, aka Nightwing, aka The Gray Son. And he is like, the worst.
Don’t get me wrong, I love Dick; he does for Gotham. But it is because of this that the OG Boy Wonder is incapable of being all the way there for Barbara Gordon (Batgirl) or Koriand’r of Tamaran (Starfire).
If you read my blog regularly, you have to know that I regularly stan for Starfire, so I just cannot abide by Dick Grayson’s tendency to pop in for a quickie, and then pop right back out. I need Dick to stay in one spot with one girl (particularly Kori), and actually be faithful. Until then he’s trash.
I still love him though.
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