“Someone asked the question, why do we sing? When we lift our hands to Jesus, what do we really mean?”

Hi! My name is Courtnee Eurydice Howell, and this is my blog.

I know, I know: most of you already knew that. Bear with me though, because I really want to talk about why it is that I bother with writing this blog.

When I was a young girl, I was full of imagination. Long before I realized that fan fiction was a thing, I used to make up little stories about my favorite Dragon Ball Z characters for myself and my best friend, Natalie. Eventually one day Natalie said to me, “You’re really good at this, you should write it down”. We were eleven at the time, and she was probably just being a good friend, but those words stuck with me for years.

It took a while. I wrote minor pieces of poetry on and off throughout the sixth grade. I read Tamora Pierce’s Song of the Lioness series and felt the need to name one of my first original characters after Jonathan of Conte’. I began writing my first story in the seventh grade and shared it with my friends. I never made it farther than chapter 12. I started a new draft entirely in the eight grade, but only got 5 chapters in. I wrote some fan fiction for a while. I started blogging on Xanga for about 3 years, but I had moved from story writing to an online journal. I wrote minor pieces of larger stories on and off throughout high school and college, but stopped writing almost entirely a year or two out of undergrad. Life just caught up with me. Eventually I did get back into blogging, and here I am now.

My intention for this blog originally was to just get myself back into to the habit of writing regularly. The problem was that I wanted to write about so many different things, that I kept opening new blogs. At my height, I ran about 9 blogs. Even now I control about 6, and contribute to 2 more websites. Last year I had to do a cleansing, and I really just sat down and tried to figure out exactly why it was that I had so many blogs. I think it’s just that I loved to write so much. I’m so rarely focused on the same project every day, that I had to diversify my writing outlets.

With this blog in particular, I wanted to talk about my life. The problem is, I am horribly wary of saying the wrong things and having it affect any of my future prospects. In this age of internets, I am very much aware of the fact that once you publish something there’s no way that you can ever completely get rid of it. You might decide one day that you want to run for president, but then here comes some random with the receipts from your younger days on the internet. There goes your whole campaign. I used to want to be a teacher once, but I didn’t even want to apply for the longest because I felt like it required a censure of self, and I just could not get with it. I don’t like having to pretend to be someone that I am not.

One day I’ll actually bother to write about my experience with teaching. I’m still debating whether I want to try again.

In any case, instead of writing about life I wrote about the things that I liked. I reviewed a lot of books and comics that I came across; I even wrote a few posts about musicians I liked. I used to host fan fiction reviews directly from this blog, but, again, I felt like I would be judged for it. Somehow my fangirl Tumblr felt like a safer space to explore those passions. However, I felt like ultimately my passions are my passions. The tagline on this blog has always been “a professional blog about not so professional things”, so why shouldn’t I talk about the things that interest me? Eventually, I just decided to dedicate a page in my menu to linking all of the fanfic reviews that I had done. That way they could still be counted as part of my portfolio without having to actually be on my main blog.

This year though, I’m going to attempt to make a point about getting back into writing real life posts, as well as some short stories. I like blogging on the internet. I like having a record of all of the things I have done and my opinions on a varied number of topics. For the most part, everything that I have written has always been in line with the way that I feel. Still, I have some anxiety about the need to hold back, lest it come back to haunt me. I have to get to a point where I don’t worry about that. I stand by my decisions in real life, and I am always willing to admit when I am wrong. I should be able to reflect that on this blog too.

By the end of the year, I hope to have broadened my writing portfolio. I keep saying that I want to up my readership, but that will ultimately take a backseat to my writing goals. I just want to set a routine and accomplish it. I want to have more than just ramblings and reviews to offer people. I actually want to be able to say that I write stories that someone wants to read. And if, in the end of it, I only get five more followers, I think I’ll still be good.

It’d be nice if I got 500 though.